Victor Meldrew...... Moan Moan Moan!

I honestly don't know where to start since I last wrote to you all so bare with me, I will try to keep it as short as possible so you don't get bored of my dribble!

I guess unless you are friends with me on Facebook or via other social media, you would have thought that Steve the stoma would have been tucked nicely back inside me now & things were on the up. I only wish I could be writing that update to you now...

Crumble Cuddles

 Unfortunately during the admittance of my scheduled reversal, they found I had a very bad blockage in my small & large intestine. Over the four days they tried several methods of unblocking, none of these worked & it was looking likely that Steve was here to stay for a while longer.  I did go down to theatre as planned, but only to have a camera look inside both my stoma & up my arse intto my colon!

As nothing went to plan, I was discharged late on the Friday with hopes that my CF team would discuss with other medical bigwigs & be in touch... 
After a few days, I went for more bloods expecting nothing but a text to possibly alter my immuneo suppressant dose. I was enjoying a nice day out with my sister, a spot of lunch & then a cinema trip, when I was told to call my CF nurse straight away. I had to sneak out of the movie & was told to pack and go up to my ward as soon as possible as my CKD (chronic kidney disease) was playing up yet again. Once I was admitted, my consultant then told me about the urgency of getting my bowl unblocked. I was put on more fluids & over the course of a few days had several enemas & laxative drugs 'attempted' to be put down my stoma. I also had a procedure to show the radiologist where the blockage was. They were only able to get four centimetres down my stoma & two foot up my butt so the blockage itself is a massive 6 to 10 foot long!!!!

A Gift In Hospital From My Hubby

 After trying an oil based enema on the Thursday evening, a few hours later I was in unbearable pain - my nurses called Stefan back up at about 11pm & I had morphine dose after morphine dose as they held my hands & tried to calm me down. It was agony, Stef left around 1am but I didn't get a wink of sleep. Nothing came of the enema, so I was allowed to go home again Friday late afternoon with the team having to have further discussions about what to do....

Which brings us to today. I am currently on three litres of St Marks Solution every day which isn't giving me much time off the peg feed machine at all. Even with all this fluid going in and drinking as normal, my CKD is still slowly raising each time I have my bloods done. I am seeing a lady next Tuesday, she is going to come to my house to save hospital admittance & she will try colonic irrigation. I am, if I am honest, really quite worried about this. One) because I really don't want anything else shoved up my arse, b) I will have no pain killers and I am panicking about the pain, especially since last week & option d) because I really am fucked off to the back teeth of all this shit.

People keep saying, "Wow Kim! People pay a lot of money for that procedure!" Yes, they may do, but literally, fuck off - I'd like to see the TOWIE lot go through 3 months of this bollocks, I can think of much better ways to spend a ridiculous amount of money... So there we go. Until Tuesday, I am just plodding on, we will see if this ass wash will work (after everything beforehand has failed) If it does, amazing, I'll eat my own toenails, but if not, I think the only option will be extremely invasive surgery which I really can't afford to have...

Especially at the moment. Stef, bless his heart has been struggling with a really bad cold that seems to have gone on to his chest. We have done our absolute best to keep me from catching it, I have avoided him at all costs, barely seen him, either being out the house or in separate rooms. However, my sister & her partner have it too, as does my brother & his partner, and Jack and Jim.... So the fucking obvious has happened & I have caught the lurgy and am kicking myself for feeling so rough and wishing at the same time my lungs aren't affected badly...  Why? Literally throw something else my way! Please!

Wow what a big fucking moan that was.... I am sorry, I absolutely hate feeling this way, seems all I do at the moment is shit on about my poor health when I am usually so so positive.

I guess I just like things to go my way, and since July, well, they really haven't. It's been one thing after the other & I am not coping well at all. Friends around me are really poorly, I lost a very good friend only just last month & our beautiful nephew Jack is back in hospital fighting pneumonia. I want to kick myself when I catch myself moaning about what's going on with me when other people are struggling so much themselves. Life is extremely unfair & 2016 has not been a year I want to remember if I am honest!! 

Stefan & I are going through the hardest time we have ever fought together. Don't ask me why, after a double lung transplant and then actual heart & kidney failure, some people would find this a walk in the park, but it's the not knowing of what will happen, the fact that we are three almost four months on! The fact that all my medical team have spoken to other hospitals up and down the country & yet no one has come across this before, they are going in completely blind and just trying to do their best for me, but nothing seems to be working and I am getting all the more fed up. 

Somebody even said to me that it must be embarrassing for me. Well, in all honesty, I've not thought once about the 'embarrassment' of having a stoma since I got Steve. I mean so may people have to go through having one with unexpected blockages or history of Crohns disease etc. I did sit for a minute and think wow, is it really bad? Should I be hiding away? 
I haven't worn make up now for the best part of three months, well since I had the operation. My hair is always clipped up & I am mainly wearing pj's or comfy lounge clothes. I don't feel pretty or as glamourous as I once did, I can't put my finger on it as to why but it's really having an impact on me. Hopefully in time this will improve? Who knows....

I have some piccies for you of the animals as always, hopefully you haven't closed down the window yet and scrolled down just in case I added some! I have lots of royal python hatchlings I am weaning on & will be available for new homes if anyone would like one! I have given my froggy a new home & the dogs & skunks are looking after me most days.... 

Raines New Live Plant Enclosure

Hatchlings I Have Had This Year

Two New Gorgeous Snakes For Future Plans!

 We are fast approaching Halloween and I can't wait as I am dressing up and going to Dartmoor Zoo with my sister, I just hope this is going to be a possibility what with everything going on.... Until then, I will take each day as it comes, I have decorated the house (much to Stef's disgust) & am stuffing my face with Halloween themed goodies when I can get my hands on them!!!

I just want to say a big thank you to people that have sent me cards , gifts & beautiful supportive messages, it really does mean a lot & I hope that I can get back on track & start being more positive really soon! Thank you once again and so sorry for the rant, I need my smile back....

We Celebrated Bo's Second Birthday!!!

Cookie

Much love xxx