Not A Creature Was Stiring, Just The Dogs Snoring Zzz

I told you I'd stop promising. 

Six months later & its 4am on the morning of a freezing cold 2nd December.

I am currently in the Grooms Lodge, Nottingham. Stef & the two girls are snoring away & I am once again on the sofa not able to get a wink.

The little ex stabes is cosy though, small & warm enough for a 2 night stay, with just about everything you could need for a dog friendly accommodation.  

Why are we here ? I'm not going to go into a rant about our Government & their fucking backward fucktwated move to ban all XL bully 'type' dogs from the end of this month, but as you can imagine, I am enraged & disgusted. 

Bear & I are here,  today, to mainly chill in the warm, watch Christmas movies & snack!! Whilst Stef & North do the hard work on a two day workshop starting from this morning.  We'll have dinner together tonight & when he sets off for their second day, Bear & I will take a slow & steady drive back home in the morning. 

The surroundings are beautiful & they really enjoyed a canal walk yesterday, but it's baltic outside! So I do feel for my husband & younger pup as they'll feel the elements all day. However, we are doing ALL we can for North. To make her life the most comfortable & best it can be so hopefully she'll have the best two days showing everyone just how beautifully loyal & trusting she is.

The countdown to Christmas has officially begun & although I think it'll be a reasonably quiet one this year, I have to admit I am bloody busy leading upto it! 

Helping with Glowild at the zoo, Paignton's first ever illumination experience, the evenings are running through to the 2nd January & I have offered my help on about 8 shifts. I have also, volunteered as Santa's Elf for our local Marldon Christmas Tree Farm, running Santa's Grotto for Rowcroft Hospice & giving all proceedings to the charity & will give more of my time if I can up until the big day. 

I hope everyone, no matter how or who you are spending it with this year, has a calming time, less pressured, making memories.  

It doesn't matter that the turkeys over done. You don't need to light up the street instead of putting food on the table, & don't think you'll be judged if you can't send a gift this year.

We are all struggling. Demons come in various shapes & sizes, & I won't lie, truth be told, I've had my moments, especially over the last two months. But.

I turned 40 in the Summer, I celebrated 11 years with these iron lungs that have somehow avaded me from any form of Hospital admission in the last, what, 5 years??!! Its fucking incredible, & if there's anything I need to be grateful for this Christmas.... 

It's being alive today & living for the moment. 

Merry Christmas 🎅 🎄 

Enjoy, stay safe & be kind. 

Your, Kimmy x x x 

Calling All 1983 Babies

Keeping up with the tradition of promising you all more regular blogs posts, & then not actually writing for six months... 

Life has been hectic, and being the time of year it is, it's about to get crazy. So I'll keep it very short for now. 

Since the New Year, we lost our son. Kaos. My four legged Gruffalo who I whole heartedly adored. I've never felt pain like it & to this second, I would do anything to have him back. Before he left us, he passed the batten onto North, our female (now six months old) XL bully. She has kept me busy & given Bear some much needed love & affection after her big brother passed. 

I have been to 3 concerts seeing my absolute idols & created many memories with friends & family, new & old. 

I have celebrated 5 years at Paignton Zoo & this weekend will be 12 years to the day I said 'I do' to my husband.  

Next week. I will turn 40. I have surpassed my 12th birthday, they said I wouldn't. 

I survived a double lung transplant almost (26th July) 11 years ago. I recovered from heart failure & Sepsis. I'm living through kidney failure & severe dehydration, & just about coping with Steve, my permanent stoma. 

All I can say is, I am super grateful.  

I am incredibly emotional. 

To hit such a huge milestone. I remember when my parents turned 40, I thought it was ancient! Yet I'm here, counting down the last few days of my 30's & about to start a new chapter. 

Thank you so much to everyone who has been in my corner, routing for me, whether it be silently or otherwise.  

I will be in touch again soon.

No promises this time. 

xxx 

For my boy,  Kaos 28th February 2023

New Dawn, New Day 2023

Seriously how the fuck has it been over two years since I last wrote a blog? Life has changed. So much has happened & I don't think I need to remind you that lives were stolen from us since Covid 19 hit back in March 2020. Back in March 2020? How am I even typing that? 

 I didn't think I'd blog again. Life took over, as it does. I wasn't sure if people would be as interested. They didn't need me to tell them the world is fucked, our Government curupt & our usual easy going lives would be made all the more harder by fucktards decisions.

 Time has passed, & as I lie here on the Dawn of New Years Day 2023 I have been reflecting, good & bad, what's occurred over the last few years in my life. Do you want to read ? 

I made the really hard decision to cease Kims Critters. My Facebook page & hobby. People were sucking the life out of me & the passion. I didnt want it to become something I loathed, so I sold up all my snakes & now only have 1 that keeps me smiling whenever I see his little blippy tongue! 

My beautiful baby Skunks both passed throughout the Covid stage. First Cookie, suddenly & unexpected which absolutely broke me & then Crumble, a short year after as I watched him age. They were both seven when they passed but I have them home with me along with their old tyme sister, Bodacia. 

Stefan surprised me with Blue, for my birthday, a black & white Argentinean Tegu. He will becoming up to three years old this June & he's a magnificent beastie. I still have the odd few scorpions & tarantulas, but as the months have flittered by, so has my collection. Most devastatingly losing my massive girl, Maleficent, my Salmon Pink Tarantula who was the most amazing arachnid I can say I have ever owned. 

My kids are still here thank god. I would have been a complete wreck without them throughout isolating & times of loss. Kaos will be 9 this month & is showing his age bless him. Whereas the princess, who is the most perfect little Frenchie, Bear, will turn 6 in May. 

I have lost friends. Old & young. It has been traumatic, especially when they have been on the journey I have been on & lost their lives to the pandemic. I feel incredible guilt that I am still here & they aren't. Yet I've contracted it twice & couldn't thank the NHS for looking after me so well & surviving. Its a fucked up mind matter that I suppose I will always carry around with me. 

This is starting to sound like a really depressing read so I need to change the tone a little. 

It's obviously not been all doom & gloom. I have had some incredible times making memories with both friends & family. I am still at the zoo in Paignton. Volunteering on Mondays & Thursday's as engagement which basically means I can educate you further with your trip & hope to improve your day with exciting facts or just a friendly smile. I will have been there five years come the end of February! Can also say, I've made some dearest friends for life. 

I have been to concerts & fine dining⁹ restaurants, all of which are on my bucket list that I have been lucky enough to tick off. Stefan will have been in my life for thirteen years in just four days... 

Celebrating twelve years marriage in July! & well, July, last July I had the best time hitting a milestone of ten whole years with my transplanted lungs. Despite covid, despite sepsis & heart failure & the kidney failure I am living through now. 

So, as a huge lover of Christmas,as you well know ... It wasnt that big of a deal to me this year. We didn't have much planned, we didn't commit to presents. It's been so hard for people in 2022 to just get by with the cost of living that we took a step back & let it be for what it was. 

It was quiet, but pleasant & we saw & spent time with people we love. Everyone thought it would be the Christmas to begin all Christmasses after Covid restrictions, but unfortunately there is so much illness around at the moment, I think everyone has felt so deflated & let down. 

I am now poorly. As I finish this verbal diarrhoea which I hope you've in some way enjoyed, after so long. I am hauled up in bed with the Flu. My chest is really rubbish but I am doing all I can to avade a hospital admission. 

We didn't see the New Year in, I was far too tired & off the planet on decongestants... But I didn't care. I don't need to try & have a good time to bring in what I hope will be more achievements, more milestones. Pretty sure more heart break, but it's what we expect. We're only human after all.... 

I myself have been doing really well. I'm battling quietly on the inside at home, you wouldn't believe what I have to do on the daily to avoid a hospital stay but I'm fucking well doing it & its got me this far. Who knows I may even get to celebrate hitting 40 in the Summer ! 

I know alot of you are struggling. You've lost loved ones, financial worries are dragging you down. But please remember you are not alone. Reach out & open up. 2023 might not be YOUR year, but you could have fun & a dam good try at living it. 

Love & peace 

InvincibleInked xxx

P.s. maybe you could leave me a comment & let me know if this is something you'd like me to carry on with again.... ? Happy New Year xxx

Eight Months Of WTF ....

Eight months in & we're still fifty shades of fucked. The virus peaked, fizzled for abit with lower case numbers, allowing people to swoop to the South West for a Summer Holiday, still under Government strict guidelines. Eat out to help out was introduced to businesses to help boost the economy,  then come September,  children & young adults were sent back to school & uni. Five weeks on & coronavirus cases have rocketed,  if countries aren't in full local lockdown, they are under strict government rules & it will only be a matter of time before we follow suit...

As an extremely vulnerable person I shielded until July & started to venture out & try to live life as I could with certain restrictions in place.... National shielding ended 31st July when it was then up to individuals to decide how to live & protect themselves. My mental health was suffering greatly, so started seeing friends & family bubbles that were 'safe'. Going to shops & such like. Eating out occasionally with reserved, covid safe bookings. I have not been allowed back to the zoo, not allowed to be tattooed, you literally have to ask yourself,  where are you going today, who are you seeing, is it worth the risk ? Life certainly by any means has not returned to any part normal.

Only just recently, this has been compromised,  with people I know & love been tested positive for the virus & the worry & anxiety has again returned. My personal reines have been pulled back in with regards to my own safety, and will be a matter of weeks before I know if this has been in the nick of time or not.

People are very much looking forward to Christmas, but with a six people maximum rule in place (in those cities not in lockdown) & with everything changing on a daily basis, its just not certain what will become of the end of 2020.

So many people are suffering greatly right now, not just with the virus, but other extremely dangerous medical situations,  stress & anxiety levels in the workplace & mental health all around. Please think twice before you shout at the shop assistant in morrisons, grill the individual unable to wear a mask on the bus, loose your patience with the nurse you've been waiting on since breakfast finished, we need to be kind, more considerate,  the world is going to shit right before our very eyes & its the minority of the human race thats putting us there...

Stay safe, stay thoughtful.
Be grateful for every opportunity you get to wake & embrace another day. 

2020 The Year The World Stopped

So last time I wrote it was to tell you I was suffering with my mental health & I needed some time to find myself again. 

Since then, the world has been crushed by a pandemic & I am eight weeks into being shielded (or quarantined in my home) 

I'm not going to go into the details, or the conspiracy theorys as you are all well aware what has been happening. The Coronavirus,  Covid 19, broke out it China, first case I believe just before Christmas, but since January, has spread across the globe & devastated countries in its wake. 

The United Kingdom has been in lockdown since the 23rd March, I have been isolating at home since March 12th. This means I cannot leave my home at all or see anyone for the duration. As a high risk vulnerable individual with existing medical conditions, particularly lung, we have been asked to remain at home for twelve weeks. 

However, since the virus itself has spread so far & wide & a small minority of people are not listening to the rules set by the Government, I would imagine this will continue for a long time to come. There are talks of this continuing well into next year & beyond, and the world as we know it will never be quite the same. 

So what do you do when you can't see the people you love? When you can't go for a nice walk to get some exercise & are faced with the same walls each day.... 

Considering my mind was head fucked before all of this kicked off. I think to be honest, I am doing exceptionally well. 

However, I do really have my bad days & when they happen, I am at rock bottom, the tears start pouring & it won't stop. 

I have been trying to keep to a daily routine as such so that I won't get into a ditch of depression that I can't claw myself out of. I've started exercising, more so now than ever before. During a good week, I will work out with Stefan or go on the treadmill Monday, Wednesday & Friday. Tuesdays & Thursdays I workout via videolink with my sister. I try to avoid a lot of media throughout the day unless it's a UK announcement about the pandemic, there is so much shit bouncing about it can really get into your head if you let it. 

Video calls have been a blessing. Being able to see peoples faces & stay in touch has been my lifeline & I will continue to do so until this hell is over. At the beginning of the lockdown, I was a little creative, painted some rainbows & chalked outside showing thanks to our NHS & keyworkers,  but since then every day kind of drags on & looks the same. As long as I have some sort of routine to save me doing something stupid then I am at peace with myself that I am doing ok & don't feel bad if I loose it. 

People have been incredible, checking in on me, calling, messages, sending bits through the post to cheer me up. My neighbour in particularly is very good to me... As have family & friends, even though from a far, it really does show people coming together in such worrying & scary times. 

Our NHS have been our heroes, as have all the keyworkers working above & beyond to keep the world going, people fed, people saved & life slowly ticking along. Every Thursday we come together & show our appreciation by 'clapping' at 8pm. 

The UK has lost over 30,000 people now to this virus, the second worst hit in all of Europe. Every single death, a family member, a friend, a person that lost a battle to something we could have never thought would turn our world upside down.

Personally, I have lost a couple of people not related to covid,  a very very dear lady that meant the world to us who lost her battle to Cancer, and two CF / tx friends who fought so hard for their chances at life. No one has been able to grieve properly, or even celebrate their lives because of the social distancing lockdown put in place. I feel like the pandemic has overshadowed a lot of things, but hope, that when we finally come out if this, people will be given what is deserved. 

My niece was born just before lockdown & I've only had the opportunity to hold her twice. She is three months old today. I'm very grateful for video calls so I can see her & Beaus' face who now blows me kisses down the phone everytime we speak, but I breakdown to think how much I am missing out on. 

I want life to get back to normal as soon as possible, but I think we all know deep down that is going to take some time. 

To have the opportunity to see my family & a couple of friends would be the tonic I so much need. To be able to hug that one person & tell them just how much they mean to you .... 

This nightmare has only proven just how unpredictable & short life is. 

Keep safe, check in on people, keep your head together & always shout out if you need help. 

Let's hope we can pull together & get out of this soon xxx