Eight Months Of WTF ....

Eight months in & we're still fifty shades of fucked. The virus peaked, fizzled for abit with lower case numbers, allowing people to swoop to the South West for a Summer Holiday, still under Government strict guidelines. Eat out to help out was introduced to businesses to help boost the economy,  then come September,  children & young adults were sent back to school & uni. Five weeks on & coronavirus cases have rocketed,  if countries aren't in full local lockdown, they are under strict government rules & it will only be a matter of time before we follow suit...

As an extremely vulnerable person I shielded until July & started to venture out & try to live life as I could with certain restrictions in place.... National shielding ended 31st July when it was then up to individuals to decide how to live & protect themselves. My mental health was suffering greatly, so started seeing friends & family bubbles that were 'safe'. Going to shops & such like. Eating out occasionally with reserved, covid safe bookings. I have not been allowed back to the zoo, not allowed to be tattooed, you literally have to ask yourself,  where are you going today, who are you seeing, is it worth the risk ? Life certainly by any means has not returned to any part normal.

Only just recently, this has been compromised,  with people I know & love been tested positive for the virus & the worry & anxiety has again returned. My personal reines have been pulled back in with regards to my own safety, and will be a matter of weeks before I know if this has been in the nick of time or not.

People are very much looking forward to Christmas, but with a six people maximum rule in place (in those cities not in lockdown) & with everything changing on a daily basis, its just not certain what will become of the end of 2020.

So many people are suffering greatly right now, not just with the virus, but other extremely dangerous medical situations,  stress & anxiety levels in the workplace & mental health all around. Please think twice before you shout at the shop assistant in morrisons, grill the individual unable to wear a mask on the bus, loose your patience with the nurse you've been waiting on since breakfast finished, we need to be kind, more considerate,  the world is going to shit right before our very eyes & its the minority of the human race thats putting us there...

Stay safe, stay thoughtful.
Be grateful for every opportunity you get to wake & embrace another day. 

2020 The Year The World Stopped

So last time I wrote it was to tell you I was suffering with my mental health & I needed some time to find myself again. 

Since then, the world has been crushed by a pandemic & I am eight weeks into being shielded (or quarantined in my home) 

I'm not going to go into the details, or the conspiracy theorys as you are all well aware what has been happening. The Coronavirus,  Covid 19, broke out it China, first case I believe just before Christmas, but since January, has spread across the globe & devastated countries in its wake. 

The United Kingdom has been in lockdown since the 23rd March, I have been isolating at home since March 12th. This means I cannot leave my home at all or see anyone for the duration. As a high risk vulnerable individual with existing medical conditions, particularly lung, we have been asked to remain at home for twelve weeks. 

However, since the virus itself has spread so far & wide & a small minority of people are not listening to the rules set by the Government, I would imagine this will continue for a long time to come. There are talks of this continuing well into next year & beyond, and the world as we know it will never be quite the same. 

So what do you do when you can't see the people you love? When you can't go for a nice walk to get some exercise & are faced with the same walls each day.... 

Considering my mind was head fucked before all of this kicked off. I think to be honest, I am doing exceptionally well. 

However, I do really have my bad days & when they happen, I am at rock bottom, the tears start pouring & it won't stop. 

I have been trying to keep to a daily routine as such so that I won't get into a ditch of depression that I can't claw myself out of. I've started exercising, more so now than ever before. During a good week, I will work out with Stefan or go on the treadmill Monday, Wednesday & Friday. Tuesdays & Thursdays I workout via videolink with my sister. I try to avoid a lot of media throughout the day unless it's a UK announcement about the pandemic, there is so much shit bouncing about it can really get into your head if you let it. 

Video calls have been a blessing. Being able to see peoples faces & stay in touch has been my lifeline & I will continue to do so until this hell is over. At the beginning of the lockdown, I was a little creative, painted some rainbows & chalked outside showing thanks to our NHS & keyworkers,  but since then every day kind of drags on & looks the same. As long as I have some sort of routine to save me doing something stupid then I am at peace with myself that I am doing ok & don't feel bad if I loose it. 

People have been incredible, checking in on me, calling, messages, sending bits through the post to cheer me up. My neighbour in particularly is very good to me... As have family & friends, even though from a far, it really does show people coming together in such worrying & scary times. 

Our NHS have been our heroes, as have all the keyworkers working above & beyond to keep the world going, people fed, people saved & life slowly ticking along. Every Thursday we come together & show our appreciation by 'clapping' at 8pm. 

The UK has lost over 30,000 people now to this virus, the second worst hit in all of Europe. Every single death, a family member, a friend, a person that lost a battle to something we could have never thought would turn our world upside down.

Personally, I have lost a couple of people not related to covid,  a very very dear lady that meant the world to us who lost her battle to Cancer, and two CF / tx friends who fought so hard for their chances at life. No one has been able to grieve properly, or even celebrate their lives because of the social distancing lockdown put in place. I feel like the pandemic has overshadowed a lot of things, but hope, that when we finally come out if this, people will be given what is deserved. 

My niece was born just before lockdown & I've only had the opportunity to hold her twice. She is three months old today. I'm very grateful for video calls so I can see her & Beaus' face who now blows me kisses down the phone everytime we speak, but I breakdown to think how much I am missing out on. 

I want life to get back to normal as soon as possible, but I think we all know deep down that is going to take some time. 

To have the opportunity to see my family & a couple of friends would be the tonic I so much need. To be able to hug that one person & tell them just how much they mean to you .... 

This nightmare has only proven just how unpredictable & short life is. 

Keep safe, check in on people, keep your head together & always shout out if you need help. 

Let's hope we can pull together & get out of this soon xxx 

Bare With....

Wow.

I seriously can't believe I keep doing this.
Promising to keep you all up to date & then not publish for months in between. I do apologise.

Truth be told. I'm not doing all that well. Mentally. Physically, I am I think, the 'healthiest' if you can call me that, I have been in as many years. The TPN is keeping me out of hospital, although I am currently suffering with a bad chest after all the bugs around lately.

Mentally, I have lost myself. I have a massive self loathing currently, not just by appearances but also my mind set. I am struggling to cope & have fallen out of love of all the things I used to love...

I am booked in to see my shrink & hopefully in time, with some self love & healing I will learn to find the Kimberley I do so desperately miss.

Please do accept my apologies if I ever seem off, or in a daze.

Thank you for all your support as always & should you wish to follow my story whilst I take a break, please do follow me on Instagram.  @ InvincibleInked.

Take care for now xxx