Down In The Dumps

This morning is no different to the last eleven mornings. I dread them. I have just swallowed two paracetamol & immediately had a ball of pain travel from the top of my stomach to my chest, to my throat & vomited back up.

I had the fundo op last Monday (11th) I won't go into huge detail, but it was one of the worst hospital experiences I have ever encountered, they wouldn't let me see my husband when I had come out of theatre, I was put on an open bay when my pre op paperwork stated I would need a sideroom due to being immeuno suppressed (& CF) & they messed me around from start to finish. I don't like to complain but as soon as I feel a bit better I will be writing a letter of complaint to PALS, it won't do anything for me, but might stop this happening to future patients under their care.

The operation itself was a success to the point were I was told it would likely to be open surgery & I'd loose my mickey (feeding tube) - Instead Prof Hanna was a star & took hours doing it, but was able to do the fundo via keyhole & also keep my tube. I have six cuts (all extremely sore!) but it's neat. During the whole messy / frustrating admission, I was eventually taken back to Harefield to be seen in clinic but as they had no way for me to get home I was admitted under their care for the night until the following day (during the time they arranged another ultrasound which showed I still had blood clots & restarted my warfarin which I had to stop five days before the procedure) I finally got home around 8.30pm last Thursday evening, I was so happy to be home, but the recovery & pain was far from over...

My Patch Work Quilt !

As I told you previously, the recovery period states you must have soft / fork mashable food for around 6 weeks, no fizzy drinks, no bread & such like. I NEVER realised that drinking would be such a problem. Still to this day I am unable to drink a full drink, (cup of tea or glass of juice) The first night after my operation Prof Hanna had me take all my tablets that were due, I followed instruction & swallowed one by one with some water, piece of piss. The next day however was awful, of course the morphine had worn off by then & I had to take painkillers orally, it was excruicating.

Ever since then each day has been a challange & I just wish that the next day is better.... Think of the worst heartburn pain you can think of, or how you have trapped wind so badly, all you want to do is belch .... That's me pretty much 24/7 right now. I was told that you wouldn't be able to 'be sick ' or 'burp' but that's all I seem to be doing at the moment. The last few day's have been one step forward, two steps back for me, I was able to drink some hot white chocolate & have a few spoonfuls of spaghetti hoops a few evenings ago, I was so proud of myself (sad isn't it?) but the following day I couldn't eat a thing. I think I may have picked up a 24/48 sickness bug on top if it all as I was vomiting everything up from a sip of juice to taking a tablet & I had a temperature. (Harefield were notified) My temp is fine again now but as you can see from my opening sentence, I still haven't mastered the 'not bringing up my tablets part' & I've lost 4kg in a week. Opp's.

I must admit, I have been very tearful over the last 10 days, I kind of feel really stupid for it as I know have been through so much worse, but I never thought this would be so hard & I have felt utterly miserable. Especially when my amazing man is at work during the day & friends have their own lives to live. I'm sat here barely able to lift myself off the sofa because of these friggeing wounds in my front, being sick into a tissue which then spills out onto my slippers! (Nice visual for you there) I was really down at the weekend, so my wonderful hubby helped me put up my Christmas decorations, I know it's early but it's put a smile on my face & he doesn't care. He'd do anything to make me smile & it really did, for a few short hours I could forget about the pain. I know that patience is the key, it's still early day's, I've been told this can last around 2/3 week's so I just need to keep perservering, I'm sure I will get there. I just wish that it was sooner rather than later, with Christmas around the corner, I'm missing out on all the treats leading up to it. The Christmas market starts soon & I won't even be able to have the lush pork bap & crackling that I do every year... NEVER take the small things for granted, you really shouldn't. a chicken sandwich & a hot sweet cup of tea, it may not seem like much, but to me at the moment it's what I would call heaven & when I finally get to eat one you'll all know about it, believe me!

My Little Christmas Grotto

Just before I go I thought I would let you know that over the last few days I made the finishing touches to my EDCF Christmas Goodie bags (another thing which took my mind of this miserable pain) & put them up for sale on my facebook. I have already sold more than my halloween bags so thank you so much for your support! There are a few more left, so if you'd like one or two please do get in touch! They are £10 each & all profits go towards EDCF - Quality Of Life Fund.

Contents are as follows; - Santa Hat ~ Christmas Card ~ Santa Key (to hang on your door & light the way for Santa on Christmas eve) ~ Toy ~ Reindeer Food (to sprinkle outside on Christmas eve) ~ Temporary Tattoo ~ Decorate Your Own Sun Catcher ~ Eraser ~ Jingle Bell ~ Mini Cracker ~ Bubble Sticker ~ 2013 Bauble ~ Mini PomPom Wreath ~

57 Mini PomPom Wreaths I Made

For Children's Bedroom Door's or Their Tree 

^ I never want to see another 'pompom' again ! But honestly. I had so much fun making them & I hope to raise double the amount for EDCF this time round - thank you for everyone's support!

Reindeer Food I Made (Edible Glitter & Bird Food)

Hayley's Santa Keys

My Hand Decorated Christmas Goodie Bags

Thank you as always for taking the time to read. xxx

9/11/2013 One Of The Last Amazing Meals I Had, My Kimmy

Treated Me To @ The Steam Packet - Bread & Dipping Oil,

Pan Fried Chicken / Chorizo & Saute Potatoes & Crème Brule  

Lush........

My So'Co & Finally, The Fundo ...

For the first time since keeping snakes, Stefan & I had to say goodbye to one of our beautiful babies as they suddenly passed away over the weekend a few weeks back. It's incredibly sad to loose any pet, but to loose my very first baby was just heartbreaking. We are not sure why it happened, I can only think that it must have been something beyond our control as we would have had him seen too if we knew it would result in his death. I woke up on Saturday morning, checked on them all as usual but found my beautiful boy had died over night. I was inconsolable. I felt like I had somewhat failed him, he wasn't old, only 3 & a half. However, some people have told me that I did everything I could & it wouldn't have been avoided. I don't know if they are just trying to make me feel better about the situation but it's been hard. I kept myself busy all over that weekend making my Christmas Goodie Bags, stopping every few minutes to break down in tears, it was bloody hard, but as we all know life goes on. We decided to bury him on the Sunday morning, but soon as I was back I had to clean his viv out as it was too hard to look at.

Stefan & I aren't stupid, we keep a lot of snakes as you all well know & will hopefully have our first successful breeding season this year. We know that we will come across losing a snake more than once, it's sadly apart of life but it doesn't make it any easier. Especially how much I love them & how they are the biggest part of my life (along with the husband of course!)

One of my other beautiful babies won me a Halloween Competition just a few days later. I usually change my profile picture on facebook to represent anything seasonal & I was playing with some of my halloween decorations one morning & took a few pictures with Kenya, my desert royal, slithering amongst them. It looked really cool so I entered it into a few competitions online & I won one on the snake groups in fb!! The prize was a picture of my choice printed onto something like a t-shirt / mug / placemat & such like. I knew exactly who's picture to have, my beloved So'Co. It felt only right, I am having it printed on a t shirt & he will hang pride of place above all the other babies watching over them. 

Kenya - The Picture That Won The Competition!

 

RIP My beautiful boy - you will NEVER be forgotten & you will NEVER be replaced. xxxx

My So'Co

The following weekend was really nice, we saw the exotic girls for a nice catch up & takeaway on the Friday, it had been ages so it was nice to just chill out with them & have a natter, even though they took the piss out of our Pumpkin carvings! The Saturday I got to see Jo, Mason & my goddaughter, Honor who is growing far too quickly for my liking & then we went to visit Stef's auntie & uncle for an hour or two. Sunday morning was very chilled at home & then we went to my friend Kim's who was cooking us an amazing roast - I had such a lovely afternoon, I hadnt seen her brother for years & we both met his girlfriend that day, we had a few games on the x box & watched a few cheesey Sunday films, the food was lush!! (Well Done Kimmy) The company even better. I left their house with that warm fuzzy feeling inside, I love having special time with people who you know want to spend that time with you... I'm a sucker for making memories, give me that over presents any day.

Sunday 3rd November @ Kim's!

I have also been able to catch up with Sarah & Munchkin Leo, Hayley & Chase & my special friends Dave & Marie - Spending time at their house is great, they make me feel like one of the family, I feel so relaxed & we always have a good giggle.

So now I come onto the boring medical part! After week's of nagging / chasing / tears / tantrums & losing my hair, I have my fundo operation date!! Today is Friday.... They rang me on Wednesday afternoon... & I am to be at St Mary's for 7am on Monday! Nothing like short notice hey?! But I can't complain, it's finally happening. I won't lie to you, I am slightly shitting myself, the operation doesn't worry me. I have had a double lung transplant & I have made no secret about my heart scare in July actually being worse then the recovery of my new lungs... I think I can take whatever pain they throw at me. It's the 'after' part that I know I won't enjoy.

Everyone is different, I have met & spoken to several people that have had the fundo - The team say basically you are meant to have a six week liquid diet afterwards & that you may still have difficulty eating some foods as they get stuck / can't digest. I know some people who still can't digest bread & potatoes, but some that have no problem at all & are eating everything as normal. I of course won't know how I will be until after the procedure. I really wanted to enjoy Christmas so really hope & pray that I will come on leaps & bounds with recovery & not have too many problems. They have told me because of my stomach complications that it will be 'open' surgery & not keyhole, however, they have told that to a few people before & once they have gotten into theatre, found they could do it with ease, so it'll be a mega bonus if I do wake up to find they haven't had to reopen my tummy scar (I know that will be a lot more painful unfortunately) At the end of the day I have now been waiting for this operation for five months & it's now happening, I need it, there's no question about it - I want to 'get better' so despite what happens afterwards I just need to suck it up, stay positive & for me, most importantly, fight to come home again as soon as possible....

I love my food so the next six weeks plus will be bloody hard for me, I really feel for Stef as no doubt he will get the brunt of my moodiness & I can't help but be a complete bitch sometimes, even though I try not to, you aways take it out on those you love! I just need to keep focused & think this will all help me in the long run. I may even loose some of this horrible weight I have gained & fit into a nice slimming christmas dress! Until Monday.... Starting from now, I am going to be stuffing the hole in my face with as much as I possibly can, & where possible, my favourite foods too ! Lamb, Potatoes, Bread, Crackling! Who knows, if or when I will be able to eat them again! Hopefully the latter...

I will keep you posted as much as I can with how everything goes. As soon as I return home, my Christmas bags will be going on sale! Yes, I have finished them already! I would have put them up for sale this weekend, but as I am being admitted on Monday there really is no point as I won't be able to meet people / deliver or send off in the post - I am super excited about my bags, I have had so much fun making them & I think they are even better than the halloween ones!! I have even made double the amount this time so people who missed out on the ones before can hopefully grab one or two this time round - They will be selling for £10 a bag this time & I hope to make double what I did for EDCF when I made the spooky goodies. Pictures & details of contents will be on my facebook very soon.....

A Certificate From EDCF For My Money Raising Efforts!

Our Pumpkin's! Crocodile & Snake!

(For Exeter Exotics Pumpkin Carving Comp)

So that's about it, I have 3 days of eating to be getting on with! Until next time, I hope you all have a lovely weekend & stay safe....

Thunder & I 1st Nov 2013

Thank you as always for taking the time to read. xxx