It's not been long since I
last wrote to you, but instead of 'updating' you I wanted to take a different
approach & write about all my achievements recently.
As I look down my Facebook
feed, there is nothing but moaning, bitterness, anger, jealousy, greed.... I
could go on, only once in a while I see something that makes me smile &
restores my faith in humanity. I doubt me writing this blog post will make
anyone's life better, but it may give you time to think about what you have
achieved, whether it be big or small, if anything makes you happy, it's got to
be worth it...
On July 26th this year I
will be celebrating three years with these wonderful lungs. Someone saved me,
gave me these extra three years which we all know I wouldn't have had if he
hadn't signed the donor register. Through someone's tragic loss, I was able to
breathe again, be a wife to my husband, a sister, a daughter & a friend.
That alone is an achievement in itself, but I have had my fair share of up's
& downs throughout this journey.
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| 27th July, After My Lung Transplant |
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| Four Days After My Transplant |
People ask me daily how I
am doing, my answer is usually always the same. I'm good. I'm ok, I cannot
complain, which I can't....
Things have happened which
has lowered my lung function a lot more than I thought it would but the
difference is thinking about it in a whole new way. I have been to hell, on all
the machines needed to just get through the day, having my husband dress me
& take me to the toilet, just existing... My lung function now is low, but
I am able to walk, I am able to climb stairs, (albeit, slowly) I am not on
oxygen & I still have my independence. That, is my achievement.
My family has grown, I
have two beautiful dogs that make me smile every single day, I can walk Bo
slowly which gives my body what it needs to stay as stable as I can without
causing myself problems. Kaos tends to be walked by his Dad as he is a lot
stronger than I. My two skunks are my snuggle buddies, seriously one of the
best pets I have ever owned in my life & I couldn't see any day without
them. I still have my snakes, more so now than ever, but venturing into
different species as my experience grows. My crested gecko's are another one of
my favourite pets, I could never grow bored & now I'm finally into my
inverts, scorpions & a tarantula, which I used to be petrified of so goes
to show what knowledge can do to your fears.
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| Cassius My Male Crestie |
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| Maleficent, My Salmon Pink |
I am extremely lucky to
have all these wonderful animals in my life, they keep me busy, they keep me
going & it's my soul passion in life. I have two people, as well as my
husband, to thank for this & they are my two best friends who have given me
the opportunity to experience things I never would have been able to & to
learn & grow as the months go on. I feel more & more confident each day
when I am in their company & they show & teach me things that you would
never learn through a book. I take huge care & responsibility for my
animals, their health & life is of up most importance to me & I feel
this is a great achievement as well as my ever growing knowledge of learning
new things.
Up until last year I was
on a roll with two exercise classes, Tai Chi & Kung Fu. Sadly after an
accident last May, this has dwindled, part health reasons, part a lack of my
own self wanting to commit again. I was extremely proud of what I had achieved,
& although I have decided Tai Chi is not for me, I made a lot of new
friends & would like to still stay in touch. However, I really did enjoy
Kung Fu / Self Defence. I never say never. I feel this is something I would
like to go back to, when the time is right. Things as you know, have been
strained the last few months, I feel like I am still on that pressure cooker
& it certainly isn't the right time to go back as I feel I wont be able to
commit on a weekly basis. When I am ready, the green belt will be back on &
I hope to regain where I left off....
Since transplant, (&
even before) my life seems to have 'sieved' out people that were surplus to
requirements I guess. I thought I had a lot of friends, a good few people who I
could trust & would be there for me but in the past year that has certainly
proved me wrong. I was at first sad for that loss, but as I look back it can
only be a good thing. Words are horse shit and actions speak louder. Things
don't change from being that five year old little girl in the playground, as
you grow up, we're just that 31 year old in a massive playground, but the words
cut deeper & wounds are harder to heal. I've found myself stronger than
ever these past few months, I have many people that care for me, I know that. I
am extremely grateful, but I only have a select few who I can trust and for
that I am happy, I know where I stand.
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| May 2015 |
If anyone knows me from
years ago, especially from my early 20's you will know I was an extreme
drinker. I would love to go out and party, dance the night away and have a
great time. It also became my downfall. If relationships or friendships went
wrong, the pub was the first place I headed & where I would remain. I got
myself into a lot of trouble (nothing police wise!) but personally, I wasn't at
all well. Until I met my Stef, which people thought was a complete joke in
itself, but we almost saved each other from whatever disastrous impending
future was waiting for us... This didn't stop me drinking however, we would
both drink quite a fair bit, go out on weekends , the usual really. However,
ever since my transplant, something has changed, I didn't really like alcohol,
I would drink it, but it would take me ages & I couldn't really get pissed.
After two years of trying, having an odd social drink on occasions but never
enjoying it, I have given it up completely. No, seriously. If you were to take
me to the pub right now, I would order a fruit juice. It just doesn't appeal to
me, I can't drink it, I don't have the urge to drink it & I certainly don't
miss it. Friends think I am joking when I tell them but I couldn't be more
honest. To me, this is a massive achievement, I am really proud of committing
to something, even when everyone else around you tries to pressure you into it.
I'm sure my liver is grateful & I've never felt better!
Lastly, as this seems to
be turning out to be quite the essay! My marriage. On July 2nd this year,
Stefan & I will have been married for four years. I honestly can't believe
it's been that long since I was wearing my pink wedding dress, feeling like a
princess in my Playboy fire engine! It has been really hard the last six
months, we have had a lot to deal with personally, and it's still on going. I
am an absolute nightmare to live with when certain medications affect me or I
am poorly & he is a complete pain in the ass, whether he is too tired or
there is something he really, really wants & he's like a stuck fucking
record until he finally gets it!!! Yes, we argue. Quite a bit in fact, I don't
think we would be normal if we didn't, but I love him & he is my absolute
rock.
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| 2nd July 2011 |
We have gone through
things together people wouldn't even dream of, it's been nightmare at times
thinking we'd never wake up but we've still come out on the other side. Some
days I feel like I should be on my own as I am sure Stef does too, but it just
wouldn't work, we are a team & I could never see him not being by my side.
I am so proud of him & what he does to look after us all & I love our
partnership, you are my best friend Stefan, I hope we spend many more a year in
this hellish, up & down rollercoaster we are riding together. 5 years
together, 4 years married, with no regrets (or injuries), that's an
achievement!
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| Til Death Do Us Part |
So, just a little read for
your weekend on some of my achievements I feel I have accomplished. Basically,
to me, everyday is an achievement, if I wake up that's enough, I know that's
something that'll keep me going throughout the day. Making a tuppy &
watching your favourite programme, saying hello to your neighbour, walking your
four legged friend & having a cuddle at the end of the day. Smiling is just
the icing on the cake. Appreciate what you have. Some, just aren't that lucky.
Thank you for taking the
time to read as always xxxxx
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