Thunder
Our Beautiful Boy
My sister and I were also in the local paper this week, the Herald Express, with an article about my sisters up and coming skydive next month, she’s doing really well with the donations but still has a long way to go to reach her target so any help would be very much appreciated!! Her link for the Just Giving Page is http://www.justgiving.com/Lauren-Hutchinson0
Article In Herald Express
Since writing my last blog my chest really went down hill, my lungs became a lot more irritable and breathless and I couldn’t move to the kitchen without a huge coughing fit and having to recover for half an hour, I was bringing up a lot more blood and the pain was horrific. I was just wishing away the days until my iv change this week. Because I was feeling so rubbish, I am never in the best of moods but I took a bit of a spiral downwards emotionally. Every time I went onto facebook I would read about people tagged in here and enjoying something there and I couldn’t help feel a bit sorry for myself. Monday to Friday I’m sat at home day in and day out literally watching the clock for my husband to come home, unless I have anything planned in advance I can’t leave the house. Stef is the only person that knows how to fill up my oxygen concentrator and unless he’s filled it in the morning before he leaves for work I’m pretty much stuck in the house with a hours escape on our balcony when the sun actually hits it at 1pm during the day…
I started feeling even more depressed as the weather has improved and its been beautiful all week. The sun really makes me feel good again, I’m a complete sun worshipper and love nothing more than to strip down (to my bikini of course) and lay in the sun or even better sit in beer garden with an ice cold cider. Even my hubby now is getting out doing things, since passing his test the weather has been appalling but now it has improved he can obviously get out and go for nice long blasts for the afternoon, which he totally deserves as he needs time out and escapism for putting up with me everyday… He’s also started the gym too and I just started feeling like I was holding him back. I would love to be able to go to the gym with him, maybe start swimming classes but the way things are now it is virtually impossible, I’m literally just waiting on this single phone call that could never come…. I just feel like I’m existing, this isn’t a life. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy and count myself as very lucky, I have an amazing husband, beautiful snake babies and wonderful friends and family but when it comes to losing all that makes me, ‘me’ my independence, I just feel like shit.
I wallowed in self pity for a few days and decided enough was enough and to snap out of it, although it is hard, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about whether my call will actually come and trying to make the best out of the situation if it never does. On feeling at such a low point in the week the few visits I’ve had couldn’t have come at a better time, my lovely friend Sarah who is going to become a mummy soon came to visit me on Monday, bacon baguette in hand (she knows calories count!) bless her. Tuesday I had Miss West pop in, who I hadn’t seen in months so it was nice to have a good old gossip and catch up on all I had been missing out on… Wednesday was time for the wonderful trip to my RD&E for my much awaited IV change, although I was dreading the actual hospital visit I really wanted my IV’s changed so I could hopefully started feeling brighter. My weight was still 50kg even though I seem to have been stuffing me face, this to me is good, but not as high as the team would like it so I was told as usual to up my game and pack in the calories!! My portacath was accessed with the gripper which is bloody sore at the moment, I think it’s just the constant use and the skin being irritated but I am having a lot of pain from the site so will just have to keep a close eye as I certainly don’t want that packing up anytime soon…. After I had everything done, my cf nurse wheeled me out into the sun where I could wait for the ambulance to come take me home again. I had the same ambulance man as before, Martin as the lady driver drove, so we were chatting away as he made me feel really at ease, it was a long afternoon though and what with the heat I was exhausted. I finally got home around 5pm and just collapsed on the sofa for a few hours rest before bed.
Yesterday was nice too, after having a moan a few days ago about existing and not living my friend Darren rang me and asked if I’d like him to take me out for a few hours of course I wasn’t going to say no!! The weather was fab and after Stef had filled up my oxygen before work Darren came over and picked me up around 11 and we went for a drive over to Newton Abbot and stopped at the beefeater for some munch. Unfortunately Darren had the week off work and as he had sun bathed a few days before he was severely burnt and I don’t mean just abit pinkish! He was SORE! There was not a chance in hell I was sitting in the shade but I managed to find a perfect table where I was sat in the sun and he was in the shade and we both felt the cool breeze! I bought the drinks, mine of course being a nice cold Jacques cider! Darren bless him treated me to some lunch, a lovely slap up rump steak and with new potatoes. I don’t really eat much in the day and I managed to clear almost all my plate so was well chuffed! Just being out of the house made me feel one hundred times better, it was great. It wasn’t long before he dropped me home, I rested on the sofa as had a headache, it could have been the heat but I think personally it was more the fact my body had gone into shock that I had a pint of cider and no more!! Usually one pint is just the start of many drinks to follow!! Stefan had his gym induction after work but whilst he was out Gemma and her daughter Tazmin popped up to see me so I had plenty of visitors this week which really cheered me up!! Thank you guys for making me feel human again….
Yummy!
It doesn’t stop there as today I am just chilling this morning and then my sister is picking me up as she has half a day and as she does some bits in her garden I’m going to be able to soak up some more rays! She will then drop me back as Stefan and I are expecting our housing officer this afternoon as we are finally signing the paperwork for the house to be in both our names rather than just mine, just in case, you know, preparing for the future and all that…
Some excellent news to close my blog with now is this morning as I checked my bank and opened my post I was paid some PPI money owed to me from about ten years ago which I am absolutely over the moon with. If it wasn’t down to the fact my sister mentioned it and helped me with the letter I would never have known and it would have sat there unclaimed, we have been struggling a lot with money lately and this has come as such a massive help. We will be able to pay some bills, buy a nice new comfortable bed as we have been sleeping on the floor on a mattress since before Christmas and maybe get a nice dinner or two out of it on Stefan’s week off during the Jubilee celebrations!! So from a very sad and depressed Kimmy to quite a happy one in a few days, and all it takes is a little sunshine and help from some friends…
Thank you for reading… xxx
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